This isn’t the baby I dreamed of

This isn’t the life I had planned

I think you have made a mistake here

I really just don’t understand

Harry on the day he was born

I don’t think I’m up to the job spec

A baby like this needs much more

Than a woman whose mind is a ship wreck

And a heart that is breaking and sore

But I’ll take him and give it my best shot

And hope that the love finds its way

I can’t promise the earth but I know that

I will give him my best every day

I could never have known he was gifted

With a magic unlike any other

That my soul would be mended and lifted

That he’d create such a grateful mother

Me holding Harry as a baby

I did not even see when it happened

When my heart stopped to grieve and to yearn

For a life that was never meant for me

Just one of the lessons I’d learn

Along with a new-found acceptance

That difference is hard but it’s great

That the love always comes in its own time

But for some there is just a short wait

That the things other mums take for granted

As their babies advance and grow old

Will forever be things I will cheer for

As I watch them carefully unfold

Oliver and Harry

That the well-timed kind words of a mother

Who’s a stranger but walks the same path

Could give comfort as much as another

As they give hope, let me cry, help me laugh.

That I’d have days when I felt really lonely

And times when I’d sit down and cry

Moments I’d looked back on our journey

Asking how, asking when, asking why

But I’d also have days when I’d realise

That it’s fine to be apart from the rest

That a life I may never have chosen

Is now one in which I feel blessed

H and me collage

I would learn that I’m more than a mother

I’m a guard, advocate and a voice

And I’m not sure that I’d change life today

If I were suddenly given the choice

No, it wasn’t the baby I’d dreamed of

It wasn’t the life I had planned

But its made my life richer and brighter

And it’s now that I understand

Our babies don’t come to a parent

Who is special and chosen and tough

They come to a parent who is stubborn

and loving and will never give up

One who will fight for their children

Till they fall to their knees on the floor

But will get back again the very next day

When they realise they need to do more

me and harry

One who will love so intensely

That words will just fail to explain

One who is glad of the journey

One who evolves through the pain

A parent who knows that its natural

To feel so very lost at the start

And one who will help and guide others

As they learn their new journey by heart.

Me and my boys (with Sherlock the Bichon frise)

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