Sometimes you smile but I know that you are struggling inside. I know that the laughter is strained and the relaxed tone of your voice is forced but you need to know that you’ve got this. And it wont always feel this way.
I hear you beating yourself up for not doing enough, having enough, being enough. But to the people who matter, you are more than enough and I could shake you sometimes that you don’t see it. The people who matter don’t care what dress size you are or how much you earn. They only care that you are there for them. That they can rely on you. You are wanted and you are needed so much more than you realise.
You haven’t lost your way and you definitely haven’t failed. You’re taking the scenic route and when you reach the end, as we all will one day, you won’t look back and say ‘I wish I hadn’t tried those things.’ You’ll say ‘all those twists and turns taught me so much about who I was and what I needed’. You are brave and you are strong. Its all a lesson. You’re also impatient and you don’t trust that you are exactly where you should be right now but please try.
Slow down. But don’t stop. Particularly on days like this when motivation is hard to find and self-belief is elusive. Its ok to have a brief pity party, just don’t unpack and live there. Dust yourself down and know that you have come through so much worse than today. Take one day at a time. None of us know what’s around the corner and yet you spend such a lot of your time today worrying about what may or may not happen tomorrow. You’re exhausting yourself without good reason. Talk your ideas out of your head and don’t let them circle round and round because they gain power while they are unspoken.
Challenge the things you tell yourself. Are they true? Really? I doubt it. You are horrible to yourself, do you know that? You would never talk to your children the way you talk to yourself. Think about that the next time you tell yourself you are worthless or a waste of time. Picture yourself saying that to your own child and feel that hurt because you’re someone’s baby too and you don’t deserve those labels. You are worthy and amazing. You’re the only one who doesn’t see it. So, I am reminding you today.
I want you to know that even though days can be tough and nights can be long, you’ve got this. Even when there is too much month left at the end of the money and you massively regret the cake you ate now your jeans are a bit snug. When your breathing is tight and your anxiety feels like it’s out of control. I’m telling you, those moments pass. You’ve got this. Just take it slowly and remember the things that really matter. The people who love and need you don’t care about the things you worry about. That’s a burden you place on yourself. You love them so much better than you love yourself. Be kinder to yourself. More forgiving and accepting. See yourself the way others see you and I promise, you will realise that you are so much more than you allow yourself to believe. It will be ok.
So wipe your tears, remind yourself of all the shitty things you have come through before today and all the things you have accomplished. Know that there are people who you inspire just by being yourself. Feel the incredible way you are loved. Don’t ever give up on yourself because even on a bad day, you’ve got this.
You are more than enough.
All the love in the world, from yourself xx
Please now read this letter again in the mirror. It’s too yourself, from yourself. You’ve got this**
** Gin and cheese optional