I was totally unprepared to become Mother to a child with additional needs. Having looked after myself through a very happy and healthy pregnancy I didn’t expect anything other than a ‘normal’ baby (or pair of them as I had twins!) I didn’t ever imagine I would have a life any different to the lives my friends were living with their babies.

Having a baby with a rare cranio-facial condition and later a diagnosis of global learning delay and autism, shook the very foundation of who I believed I was. I didn’t cope very well at all. * Understatement* I was lost in my own life.

In ‘A Mother Lost & Found’ I share my most intimate thoughts, fears and joys. Its not all doom and gloom, I promise, but I think its really important to be honest. I write for the mother I was right at the beginning in the hope that I can offer some hope, encouragement and support to anyone else in a similar place. I was lost but now I am found. I hope to help other parents find their way too.

“And one day she discovered that she was fierce, and strong, and full of fire, and that not even she could hold herself back because her passion burned brighter than her fears” ~ Mark Antony

My boy is growing up – why I’m proud and why I was wrong…

My boy is growing up. Although Harry is almost 14 years old, he has always functioned at a much younger age. In many ways, he still does; He is obsessed with Vtech infant toys and still needs a lot of help with getting dressed and personal care. His communication is...

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The emotional conflict of letting my boy grow

This week I was explaining to one of the classes I teach what it means to be in 'emotional conflict'; to feel conflicted. Today, as I packed my sons suitcase for his week-long residential with school, I became the embodiment of that description. When I asked Harry if...

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9 things that have helped my mental health

I have blogged in the past about my mental health journey. Initially, the shock diagnosis of Goldenhar Syndrome for my son Harry lead to depression. More recently I have been happy to share that I am struggling with anxiety like I've never known before, brought on by...

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Dear Harry, when the time comes, it’s OK to forget me

I took Harry to our local trampoline park recently and was struck by something that I wanted to write about. I have to say that this happens ALOT at the trampoline park. I've written some of my favourite posts there like my letter to the mum with the life I will never...

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9 reasons for anger in our altered life

If you are a regular reader of my blog you will know that I never expected the life I have today when I was pregnant. For those who are new to me and this page I'd direct you to my account of how life changed forever in a moment and 'what not coping looked like for...

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Key milestones and loss in an altered life

From when our babies are first born we are watching and assessing them, even on a subconscious level. We are waiting for them to hit their key milestones – crawling, walking, being free of the nappy. Once their little red book with the percentile scale that I hated...

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Now that I understand. A poem by Charlie Beswick

This isn’t the baby I dreamed of This isn’t the life I had planned I think you have made a mistake here I really just don’t understand I don’t think I’m up to the job spec A baby like this needs much more Than a woman whose mind is a ship wreck And a heart that is...

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What I failed to see when I saw my son

I felt very blessed to be expecting twins and had a fairy tale future lined up for us all even before my babies arrived in the world. It turned out that my fairy tale would instead be somewhat of a Tim Burton production – a bit dark, pretty weird at times but a...

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