So you may or may not have seen that my son Harry has a craniofacial condition which means he has a very unique face and our journey had a rocky start (read about it here). I am a very proud mum both of him and his twin brother Oliver and, as all mums do, I love sharing photos and stories about our days. Sadly, some people (for the purpose of this blog we’ll call them trolls although I usually call them much worse) feel that it’s acceptable to call my boy some truly despicable names. I won’t repeat the horrendous things I have seen but it’s made my blood boil more than once. In the early days, my partner and friends told me simply not to read them (but how do you know they’re awful until you’ve read them?!) or delete them. My mum (qualified reiki master and spiritual witch –meant as a term of endearment there mum) would advise me to send them love and light but to be honest what I wanted to send them was the evacuated big breakfast of my dog after a long walk.
At first, the comments still played on my mind long after I had read them but now I feel that I’m a little better at dealing with the abuse from the one cell amoebas…sorry, trolls so I thought I’d share my thinking and see if it helps anyone else.
Know they are the minority
First, you know you’ll read them (in the same macabre way that we stare at a road traffic accident out of curiosity) but afterwards make sure you read the comments either side of theirs. If they left their comment recently then I guarantee you’ll have more positive comments to counteract theirs. THEY are the ones you read three times. NOT the crap that the keyboard warrior has posted. If their comment was left a little while ago then sit back and enjoy reading the other posts that jump to your defence. At best it will give you something to laugh at (like the reply to the troll who said that I should have aborted my son. Reply “I heard that’s what your mother feels”) How I chuckled. At worst, it will restore your faith in people and prove in black and white that where hate goes, love follows with an army to kick its ass.
See it for what it is.
Second. Ask yourself, is it true what they’re saying or is it bullshit? I can tell you already what the answer will be. I know it’s not always easy but as the literary great T.Swift says “haters gonna hate. Shake it off” They have attacked you from behind a keyboard. They don’t know you and don’t care about you. If that pond life can detach themselves, then so can you!
Third ( and maybe most importantly so maybe this should be number one) DON’T RESPOND. I have typed an essay of a reply before now (in capital letters for extra oomph) only to read it back and think simply one thing. This is what they want. If I reply, they win. On what planet are you ever going to let them beat you? If anything, their comment will have brought other (more positive) traffic to your post so in a way they’ve helped. I know, I know, they’re tosspots and I really shouldn’t say anything nice concerning them but it’s true. There are only ever two things you should do with their contribution. Delete and block.
Have pity…or don’t
Maybe they do need some understanding and pity for what is clearly an unfulfilled and lonely existence but they’re not even getting that from me (Sorry Mum). Nope I refuse to give them any head space at all (well, maybe a bit but then I think about everything I’ve just said and move on with my life enjoying a happiness they’ll never know)
I hope that helps. If, after trying my tips, all of the above fails then I suggest getting a dog. A big breakfast, a long walk and an anonymous envelope can do wonders for the soul. So I’ve heard.
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